After years of producing meticulously edited manuscripts, groundbreaking student work, and a multitude of trophies, the Lamar University’s student newspaper, the University Press will be shutting down at the end of the semester. Administrators say this decision is part of a broader initiative to “modernize” the literary experience, which apparently involves fewer printed words and more Instagram posts.
“Honestly, I thought this was a prank at first,” Rayna Christy, UP editor in chief, said. “I came into work Monday morning, and the entire newsroom was gone. I thought, ‘OK, maybe they’re just upgrading it.’ But no. Turns out, it’s the entire press.
“I guess my degree in journalism is now just a very expensive hobby.”
Faculty advisor Andy Coughlan offered words of consolation.
“We considered going digital-only,” he said, “but then realized our PDFs mostly get ignored anyway. So, why not just save everyone the trouble?
“We’re toying with the idea of talking cat memes to present the news, and, of course, everyone knows words and letters are old-fashioned, so we are looking to communicate exclusively in emojis. It is a very exciting time.”
For students who relied on the UP for publication experience, he suggested, “You could always start a zine in your dorm. That’s very… artisanal.”
Communication department chair Nicki Michalski added, “We like to think of this as evolution. Books are a little old-fashioned, paper cuts are dangerous, and nobody under 40 knows what a newspaper is. This is progress.”
Students were reportedly heartbroken, though several admitted the hardest part would be losing the smell of fresh ink and newsprint.
“It smelled like ambition…and toner,” Christy said.
The UP’s last issue will roll off the presses this April, leaving staff time to explore new creative outlets — calligraphy, smoke signals, or interpretive dance summaries of their unpublished articles.
Editor’s note: Satire is the use of humor, irony or exaggeration for commentary.